i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
