im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
