My friends, they love my intelligence
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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