its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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