It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
