if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
