She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
BRING THE BAGELS
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
