I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
