At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
