she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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