he puts the penis in happiness.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
So here I am, sexting at work.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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