I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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