just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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