she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
