I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
