420 ftw
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
