I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
