I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
