Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
are you so shy because you have an std?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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