the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
