My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize