I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
