Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
