Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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