and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
