Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
