You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
