I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
