note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
