The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Randomize
