shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
