okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
