I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
