i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
