Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
