I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
