i wish peter jackson would direct porn
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
