is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
