Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
