It's Friday. Sex?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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