So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
