Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
