i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
