idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
