I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
she pinky promised me she was 18
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
