We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
