since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
