He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
