he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
