The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
