don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
