i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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