i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize