Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
My life is pants optional.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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