We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
