I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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