all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Quick, to the slutcave!
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
