My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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