My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
