So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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