You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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