We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
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Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
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Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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