It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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