I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
