Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
