i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
