the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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