Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
