Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
