1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
only you would photoshop your dick
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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