after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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