I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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