Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
