That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
