My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
